I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
