My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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