oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
