I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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