but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize