i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
