My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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