PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
two words...techno handjob
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
