You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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