I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
