Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
