it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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