i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
