shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
