all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
cat food counts as protein by the way
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
