Banned from zoo.
Again?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
