Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Found your dick twin last night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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