Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
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