Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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