I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
