I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
