protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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