1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
