I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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