Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
