You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
