im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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