Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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