how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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