You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
