today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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