okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
