i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
