its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
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I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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