i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I love having hate sex.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Drake has all the answers
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
