last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
