i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
