If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
