hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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