I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
