What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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