you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
