Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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