I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
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I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
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Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize