He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
