So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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