i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
