matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
