Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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