There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
