I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Houston, we have a squirter
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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