omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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