week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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