If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
At least life still wants to fuck me.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
