I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
