His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
