Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
