Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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