I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
