Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
