He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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